A foreigner asked me the other day, “How can we stop corrupting the minds of our children?” As a Kuwaiti, I know a whole bunch of stuff on how to protect children from the real world of course! For I’ve been protected in many ways against corruption, especially corruption in the media! So, here are the things I highly suggested:
1- Substitute the character Lilo’s bathing suit on the DVD cover of the Disney CARTOON Lilo and Stitch and let her wear an Abaya instead when she goes surfing with Stitch. Her sexy figure and bikini are irresistible that we need to cover her up promptly.
2- Ban Disney’s Piglet from the Middle East. Using a black marker to censor out each and every picture of Piglet from hundreds of pages in “My Very First Encyclopedia with Winnie the Pooh and Friends” is really smart.
3- Edit the Starbucks logo! The creepy mermaid from the Starbucks logo is so gorgeous that she’s causing quiet a stir in our society. So why not go ahead and kill the mermaid and let her sink in the ocean. Poor thing, nothing remains but her crown.
4- Become members of “What Not To Wear.” Add artistic touches on the models’ gowns with black felt tip marker in Vogue magazine. It is probably true! Cindy Crawford does look better in a bathing suit with a black “graffiti” cardigan.
5- Block Skype! Parents of kids studying abroad have heard and seen enough from them. The kids never stop whining. Blocking Skype will sure let Mommy and Daddy’s phone bill skyrocket!
6- Rip the pages from the high school’s biology book. Especially the part about Male and Female reproductive systems. Why do kids need to know this? How is this even relevant in our world? Mitosis and Meiosis have more real life applications.
7- Shorten the playtime of movies showing at the cinema by censoring more than half of it. Then, have more show times and in turn sell more tickets! Genius!
8- Make album covers aesthetically appealing. The Lebanese singer looks much better wearing a pink shawl over her pink sleeveless dress. She looks more chic with the shawl.
9- Cover up Angelina! I respect Angelina Jolie. She decided to wear a closed black dress for Mr. and Mrs. Smith’s Middle East movie poster. She wanted to
avoid showing the gun wrapped around her thighs. I’m sure she isn’t as sassy and dangerous in the Middle East version of the movie.
10- No need for politics. Block everything that might be radical and debatable. Censor the newspapers and articles. Block the videos and audio files. The world is better when politics is out of the picture.
Of course the foreigner was confused and puzzled. He asked me, “But how is that even possible?! Children these days are so friggin’ smart! They can easily avoid all of this! They know that the black felt tip mark on Lilo’s dress is erasable, that the complete Starbucks logo is on every cup, that Vogue magazine can be downloaded online as pdf, that they are able to purchase the CD albums with uncensored covers from Lebanon, that revealing pictures of Angelina can be accessed via Google, that politics is discussed on every other TV channel and that complete uncensored movies can be purchased on iTunes. So why go through all this. It is simply a waste of time my Kuwaiti friend!” I replied, “Well. I guess children are censoring things from their parents too!”
comment: I totally can relate to number #5